Thought Disorder

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Self-fulfilling Prophecy?

I had such a horrendous dream about A Levels two nights ago. I dreamt that I woke up late for my first paper, which was Math and it was in the morning and stipulated to start at 8.45AM. 8.50AM, and I was still at home for I-dunno-what-reason! Eh, actually I think I woke up late? Then for some inexplicable reason, Anfy appeared in my dream and was telling us the important points for our CSC exam. I think it was because the email she recently sent us had a large impact on me. Specifically, guilt and insecurity. This was then that I realised that I had CSC paper later in the afternoon which I didn't even know and I didn't freaking study for it at all. (!!!!)

Fortunately, the dream ended when I woke up, or else I would have died of a heart attack in my sleep.

But seriously, come to think of it, this dream does reflect my actual fears for A Levels - waking up late and CSC (& GP) which I have not touched at all. When I sleep, I'm like a dead log. Thus I often oversleep due to my greedy sleeping habits, and am often late for things ranging from PW meetings, outings to even consultations. I really need to drill the importance of time into my head. DRILL DRILL DRILL ! Especially since A Levels start at 8AM and I need to struggle with the inefficient bus systems..... :(

11:47 PM

Stop Drinking My Blood!

Today was an unproductive day. I really abhor unproductive days because they give me a high sense of guilt and it makes my brain feel super empty :( Other than suffering from seemingly endless mosquito bites (Was it the green tea I drank?), feeling more demoralised and screwed upzxzx for GP, watching Singapore Idol and rushing through my applications, I didn't do anything much. Stupid mozzies please stop drinking my unsweet blood because I'm really dying from itch. Later I will seek solace in my cream. I must also be more determined to finish all my applications by this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( Stop procrastinating!!!!!!!

12:06 AM

Friday, October 23, 2009

What's Killing Me?

Applications, applications and more applications are killing me!
Studying and practising questions crazily are killing me!
Worrying about GP is killing me!
Feeling anxious over Econs is killing me!
Tension is killing me!
Decisions are killing me!
My neck ache is killing me!
My blocked nose is killing me!
My sore throat is killing me!
The long wait to culmination is killing me!

忍!

我去K书了!!!

9:45 PM

Thursday, October 22, 2009

For my own consumption

Motivational watchlist after A's: Smile, You're Beautiful, Iris
AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!

Anyway I think I'm really falling sick ugh :( Blocked nose, blocked ear (sometimes) and tinnitus. Better spam more barley drink tomorrow!!! Thankfully there's no migraine :)

10:10 PM

Hungry for durians and dim sum and black sesame paste and cakeeeeeee! (I really hate the ugly cake from nydc and the fudge cake from Marche now :( they really killed my love for cakes momentarily) So damn tired now and I've to wake up early tomorrow for lecture and consultation :( It doesn't feel like A's are really coming; I'm just stuck in a trance every now and then. And also highly stifled by the heat!!! But then again, if we really think things through, A's are no big deal? I'm in the shoes of myself 10 years down the road. Who cares about what I got for GP? Seriously, no one. STILL, I need to remind myself that A's are EVERYTHING now because I have nothing else (lol) and it's probably one of my most important tickets out of hell. If I fail to get out of hell, I better hop onto another train, which I have no plans for yet. Anyway, today was another turning point of my life because life at home has pretty much changed today. I need to adapt and get on with my life!!!! I will seek solace in the fact that I'm really, 41 days or so away from real liberation. It's verified.

12:01 AM

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

ABCDEF

A Levels
Beida
C*****************************************_|_
Dim Sum
Econs
Fudan

11:03 PM

Monday, October 19, 2009

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME X100000 SONG + ACAPELLA FROM DBSK
AND THEY CAN SPEAK/SING JAPANESE (AND SOUND SUPER AWESOME)

(Yeah I spent like 30 minutes listening to these on Youtube)

Back to mugging Econs!!!! :( I must stop feeling slack :(

4:04 PM

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Maturing Catalyst

Do you know who you really are? Or are you just faking it?

11:38 PM

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Sleep

Ugh. I was so tired today when I got home in the afternoon that I couldn't resist the temptation of taking a nap. All because of photo-taking! If not, I would have gone home at 11.45AM and slept till early afternoon. So when I got home today, I napped for 2 hours and woke up at 7.15 PM!!!!! :( Ultimate sinzzzzz. Then I couldn't concentrate on Math so I went to eat -_- So now I'm wide awake and I took way way way more than 45 minutes to do (a not yet completed) Econs essay. FML. I really need to find ways to increase my productivity. At this rate I'm going, it's equivalent to shredding my hectic study schedule. This is seriously not looking good, especially when A's are around the corner. When I say corner, I really mean corner i.e. 3-4 weeks! But I love thinking about how all these is going to end so soon, probably in about 1.75 months' time. Awesome :D 12 years of studying I-don't-know-what culminating on 1 December 2009, even though that marks the start of another crazy life which I'll come to despise so badly. I don't know what I'm going to do after A's; I'll probably create an exhaustive list of to-dos during my 8 days studying for CSC P2. Till then. :) I shall read the papers now at this unearthly hour!!!

11:33 PM

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Prelims Reflections

I'm quite glad that I didn't really do well for prelims this time round (i.e. falling below my own expectations) It was a really bitter feeling especially for some subjects. Boooo. Yet it would definitely serve as a good learning experience and wake-up call. A literal slap in my face. In retrospect, I really did deserve such an ending given the amount of effort I had put in. It was partly due to unexpected matters that cropped up suddenly in the midst of prelims. But I'm still largely to be blamed!!! F I better sleep less now (I sleep at least 7 hours a day wth) and I better go and K my books now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOMZZZZ

9:43 PM

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I'M SERIOUSLY GOING BONKERS NOW

6:55 PM

Friday, October 02, 2009

OMG MY FEELINGS ARE REALLY SCARY. THEY OPERATE LIKE WAVELENGTHS

11:54 PM

OMG I SUDDENLY FEEL SO FISHY SCREWED AND SCARED; I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT THIS FEELING. FML

11:19 PM

Thursday, October 01, 2009

I just watched an awfully boring korean drama. It totally wasted my time! And this is the first time a Kdrama turned out so boring for me. I should look around before watching next time. Style started off quite well, enough for my liking but as it progressed to the 3rd and 4th episode I was inundated with confusion. I was confused by who was the leads were. I thought Seo Jung was obviously the lead since the drama focused on her at the start. It turned out to be another character which I utterly despised. Hence there was a clear uncertainty in outcome which I couldn't visualise in the midst of watching the drama. I skipped all the way to the end and found out that the outcome was otherwise predicted. It just turned out so terribly wrong and I just had to drop it!!! What a waste of time, seriously.

Okay actually I'm feeling rather lost now, now that I've nothing to do and nothing to watch! Shall go downstairs to watch TV now and lie on the couch :)

7:51 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.